The F Word

The F word is the most useful and versatile word in the English language, in my opinion. You can use it as an adjective, as a noun, and as a verb. It also happens to be the word most used by yours truly in a hairy situation, especially when driving in a lost stupor around downtown Syracuse on a rainy night. Like tonight. Although I argue that there isn't much choosing involved when that word is used (at least for me). It's an involuntary reaction, like when the doctor hits your knee with that thingy and you kick your leg out. You don't intend to do it, it just happens.

Knowing I would be in downtown Syracuse for an event this evening, I called a friend and met her for dinner. Or tried to. Downtown was a traffic and parking nightmare. Apparently there were two events going on the same night. Note to Syracuse honchos organizing this stuff: Don't do that! After a half-hour of navigating around one-way streets and closed streets (F word!), I slipped into a street parking spot while my friend paid for lot parking. We had an enjoyable Mexican feast, but getting to that point was hairy.

Our local library system in Syracuse (Onondaga County) is AWESOME! Not only is it connected in such a way that patrons have access to a plethora of books from every linked library, but it sponsors a library lecture series that brings bestselling authors to Syracuse. Two years ago I went to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson and loved the experience. Last year I went to hear Geraldine Brooks (People of the Book and March) and Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns). And because my mother-in-law donated me her ticket to tonight's lecture, I was able to see and hear Michael Pollan (author of books such as The Botany of Desire, The Omnivore's Dilemma, and In Defense of Food, among others) after my Mexican feast. I think his books are worth reading. He presented some very valid points tonight as he debated the health crisis revolving around American foods. Here were some of the highlights:

• Americans spend the most time analyzing food and looking for food with the healthiest nutrients, yet we are also the ones with the most cases of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity.
• Americans rely on government studies and doctors to know what to eat, yet the science of nutrition is very young and is approximately where the science of surgery was in the 1600s. Basically, it's ludicrous to organize our lives around an uncertain science.
• Americans eat until they are full, whereas other cultures like the French and Japanese only eat until they are no longer hungry. Very different things.
• We're always looking for an easy fix , but don't want to throw out this diet of over-processed, overly refined "foods" we've created and marketed as being "healthy" and "nutritious".
• We have to change the way we eat by going backwards to the way our ancestors ate. Good rule of thumb to follow while shopping: Would my great grandmother recognize this as food? (Example: go-gurt, fruit roll-up)
• Start thinking about where your food came from before you put it in your mouth

I left the auditorium with a buzz and a skip in my step, which stayed with me until I started to leave the city toward home. I drove toward the on-ramp to the route that would get me home, but instead found it was closed and was detoured to God knows where. The F word. Ever notice that detours are like those tunnels in Super Mario that warp you to some unknown place? Not a good combination in the dark of a rainy night. The F word again. And my Garmin chose that moment to get stuck on the opening screen where it makes me agree that I will not touch it while I'm driving. Another F word. Finally, I figured out where I was and headed toward a different on-ramp. Road closed. Really big string of assorted versions of the F word. Solution? I drove around the barriers down the supposedly closed road and entered the highway. Bonus? The car behind me followed suit. And it wasn't a cop.

So apparently my word of choice in a spur of the moment hair-raising situation is not shucks, shoot, darn, or goodness gracious. If I were in England, perhaps it would be Bloody. Maybe I'll even start using that instead. It certainly sounds more elite and educated than my current word of choice.