Sim City

Today I skipped the gym to go home and relax. Ha! Relax, I did not. As I turned onto my street I noticed everyone outside raking their leaves. (Well, except for our neighbor across the street who was mowing his, but I'll get to that later.) Part guilt and part motivation forced me to pick up our rake and join the neighbors. The neighbors next door to us are foreign, and three years ago the grandmother and I were both outside raking on Halloween when she approached me. We hadn't really met yet, and I was excited that she might be friendly. I put down my rake and joined her at the property line. Expecting formalities and niceties, I was thrown off balance when she started yelling at me. Her English was not very good, but I was able to pick out enough words to understand that she was yelling at me for the leaves in her yard. Apparently she had been outside everyday raking and raking and everyday our tree would dump more leaves in her yard. Ummm, how does one respond to that? I think I said something to the tune of, "Well, maybe you should wait to rake until all of the leaves fall off the tree."

So when I walked into the front yard this afternoon and saw her raking her leaves, my anxiety level instantly elevated. Actually, I was kind of hoping she would come over to harass me about my leaves in her yard so I could bring several facts to her attention: they hadn't mowed their backyard all summer, so it was a field of tall grass giving refuge to God knows what creatures; they throw their garbage out their upstairs back window and then bag up what the crows and mice haven't eaten on garbage day, dragging no less than 10 bags to the road; they honk car horns at all hours of the day and night, throwing my husband and I into fits of psychotic rage when we're awoken at 2 in the morning on a work day. She never did say anything today, though, so I didn't get a chance to enlighten her with these facts.

I think you should meet some of my other neighbors, though, so that you can truly experience life on my street. My husband and I joke that it's like a Sim City.

We have Van Man, who works nights and drove a white bomber van for the first two years we lived here. Our early bedtime was consistently interrupted when his van would start and the foreign neighbors honked. Van Man now has a new van. It's white.

Then there's Karate Lady. We first got a glimpse of her when she was outside in her driveway doing, well, karate. Sounds and all. With a bo staff. It is quite the treat to witness this performance.

Meet Poison Ivy, our other neighbors, who let their back yard turn into a poison ivy breeding ground. Her youngest daughter had had a rash for years, but she could never figure out what it was from. Once it started creeping under their fence onto our property, we tried killing it with chemicals, but to no avail. Finally, another neighbor who works in the emergency room at a nearby hospital gave my husband a "bunny suit" (A.K.A Haz-Mat suit) so that he could tackle it. One vine was growing up our tree, so it had to go. Due to 20 plus years of ignorance, the vine was so thick we had to chop it with an axe.

He still got poison ivy, even with the suit!



There's Chores, the guy who makes his kids do all the yard work while he sits on his little bench and supervises. And his neighbor, who we don't have a name for, is in love with his leaf blower and constantly uses it to clean the street in front of his house. Then he washes the street.

Welcome to my Sim City, except I didn't get to choose the characters. I wonder what role we are filling?